I made it to a therapist.
I couldn't hold my anger so I immediately book one last week. My life was in peace until the truth crushed me down. It costed me my hardly earned tranquility. But everything seemed fall accordingly. The timing, the place, the budget, and the phase, you name it.
I skipped my anger, being aware that hatred is a soul consumer. So I let it go. Furious isn't my favorite feeling. But it was all me, I guess The Good God let me to experience all of this otherwise. I remember the moment I get to know the fact, I was at home, surrounded by my family, my safe place. Can't imagine if It happened when I was alone in Bandung. Then I impulsively decided to book a session with a psychologist, with no budget on my plate. But that day I got some dimes to my bank account just in an enough amount for a 2-hours therapy session. Coincidentally.
The session itself was nice, little cry but more laugh. I laugh for everything that has happened and the fear I face. Overall, It was warm and humbling, getting to know myself even more and helped me to elaborate the emotions within.
Several days after, I still burned over everything. Questioning and trying to understand. But these days I surrender. I prepare my self just to get ready. For everything. To patiently believe in myself. So don't worry, reap what you sow. I poured love. So much love I could give.
P.S. I always talked about a home and a house with a washing machine and refrigerator and why is it so hard to accomplish. In a breathing session, I came to a question. Is it really just all I want? Because it was only a bare minimum. Was my mind blocked to aim higher after years?
