Heartbreak Newsletter #1

"A heartbreak newsletter"

There I name this (and upcoming) post since this is my first experience after a ten years relationship. No, this might be an emotional piece but I try not to (so please read with a grain of salt). And I honestly curious about what are you experiencing on the first week after a heartbreak.

I will write this in a time stamp method for this first newsletter. 

Day 1

After a night of a long and deep talk about ending our relationship, the feeling is surreal. A little numb since I have just experienced a loss of the passing of my dear granny. I woke up and wondering that something is missing and asking to myself what should I do next. I then decided to take a step, write a text to your mum. Told her my gratitude of getting to know her for all of these years. Just after tapping the send button, a tsunami of tears was coming. Realizing that I am not okay (yes, it was the opposite of what I said last night to you 'I am okay'). This relationship is not just for these two human beings.

I went right away to the office thinking I shall not be alone in a time like this. I told my friend who once experiencing an end of long-relationship about our story. Hoping she spilled some tips to get through this. She did. Just face it, she said. Another tsunami coming. That day is near to sucks. Feels sad and weird and relieved in a same way.

I took a relaxing yoga class at night to help me release my overload thoughts (not really helping but I can sleep faster)

Rate -5/10

Day 2

Wake up in the morning is the worst. Knowing something that change my routine happened. It was all good until I showered and realizing that I don't know when and how to tell my parents. It wasn't a tsunami, don't worry, just a little leak on my eyes. The rest of the day is me trying to focus with all the office tasks (though I failed to keep the focus)

Rate 1/10

Day 3

I slept over in my friend's place last night. It's nice not to be alone. I could blabbering all night about the days of ours. Both the nice and the hurt ones. Went to office, just in fact the deadlines is still on going regardless how I feel. My friends have warned me about the post-heartbreak random eye leaking. Doing just fine but suddenly my eyes just can't compromise. I finally experienced it. Don't worry, toilet to the rescue. I recalling the scenes of our nice and warm days. Those days I keep dearly.

Rate 3/10

Day 4

Morning yoga to keep me sane. I wish. My body was flexing, my breath was on hold, but my mind was rushing. I recalling the idea to do a girls trip with your sister and mum. No leak this day. 

At night, a dental filling just fall off my tooth. It's the other tooth I ever told you. The one that should bring us to a dental date together. It feels like both my body and soul started to conspire to fell all over the place. And it wasn't nice.

Rate 4/10

Day 5

I woke up still in my friend bed. I thought today will be okay. Turned out, other tsunami was coming. Weird isn't it? It came after I took a warm shower, which should be relaxing but in fact being alone (even in a quick moment) is like welcoming a storm of memories. 

After office, I joined a shooting session. Even in a fun moment, I thought about doing it with you since I know you will feel secretly cooler holding a gun just like in a fight or in a gundam aircraft war. I wish you try this. Just to lit yourself. I myself felt cool though I missed them (mostly).

I went back home a little bit since my friend was out of town and I had to go back alone.

Rate 3/10

Day 6

I woke up calling my sister. She was checking on me. I told her that this is my first weekend with no partner after a while. A long while ago. A little leak on call but my sister tried to distract. The rest of the day is me trying to get accountable for my delayed work. You said working is a distraction while I can't even know how to do it. But in the end, yes deadline knows no heartbreak.

Rate 4/10

Day 7

I went to church. Another leak when I delivered my feelings personally. Went to dentist afterward (the one which should be the date). I still have two deadlines, worked at it hardly since the idea of you vs what we are now is still unreal for me.

Rate 4/10

P.S. I watch any movie on Netflix this week. However I feel a little warm knowing our profile is still standing next to each other.